Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm too high and old for this...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
