Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
