Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
