yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize