dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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