i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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