Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
