Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
