I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
