Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
