We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
