I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
