You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i now understand why vodka
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
