Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
