He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
