everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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