Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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