I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
