What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
