Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
