Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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