My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
