atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
