am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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