wrigley field is MILF paradise
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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