the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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