Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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