next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
