did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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