I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
