Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
