Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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