weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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