I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I looked at my own cervix.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
