I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
