he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
