I'm gonna have a badass scar
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
