I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
