She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize