I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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