new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize