I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
