Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
