i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
