I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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