very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
