Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
