Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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