I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
