this just has baby written all over it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
