I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
