so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
