we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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