i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
