Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
