So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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