she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
