the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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