I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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