Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
