i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
