Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We are two peas in an std pod
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
