Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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