Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
